Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
