I just cut my nipple shaving
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
