Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize