we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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