Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I AM VODKA MAN
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize