I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
