Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
