If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
