you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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