Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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