i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize