It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Someone came in the potted fern
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
