party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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