Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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