He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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