I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
