I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
