doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
