Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
