I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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