You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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