I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
