You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize