Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
