Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
