I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
