Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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