I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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