I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
