remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The air taste purple.
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