My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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