I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
