The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
