ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize