Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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