Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
