Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
