I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
