Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
