so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
