census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize