Duck Duck Cougar?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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