wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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