There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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