You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
