he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
