Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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