I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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