Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
