An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
