It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
