i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
