Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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