Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
