Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
