i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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