Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
