I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
