dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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