Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
