Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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