Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he was CRYING into my vagina
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
