Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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