then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
