The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
