I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
