Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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