idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
