i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
