I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
