areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
