I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
