I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
