I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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