I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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