Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
