I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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