so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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