it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh god it's open bar.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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