y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
