How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
