Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Come on in and take your pants off
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
