do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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