am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize