Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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