Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
