He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
