So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
