she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
