summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
