This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
