Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
