my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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