Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
