Having a random hookup so left but love u
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
